“Well there’s a bridge and there’s a river that I still must cross
As I’m going on my journey
Oh, I might be lost
And there’s a road I have to follow, a place I have to go
Well no-one told me just how to get there
But when I get there I’ll know”
This week has been a trying one. And as much as I hate to realize, this Praylaxation blog has been more therapy for me than I could imagine. In transparency, I have been disappointed so much in life, it’s pretty hard to talk to anyone. That’s engrained. I joke and say my tear ducts don’t work. But, in reality, I can’t think of the last time I cried and no one died or it it wasn’t heavy worship…So naturally, when I was younger I sought out ways to elevate myself. To bring myself out of that pain. I was desperate for a comforter, and I didn’t care who it was. I didn’t care what the price was either. (All magic comes with a price), As long as it felt like the release I needed. That led me down some rough roads. And realistically, I surrounded myself with people that were hurting just as bad as I was. Emotional addiction. But that’s a story and a testimony for another time.
“I know you’re hurting, and i know you’re blue,
i know you’re hurting but don’t let the bad things get to you.”
Yea, this week has been a rough one. I can’t even explain how overwhelmed I am. I came so close to shutting down last week. Shutting everything down, throwing away all the dreams and ideas, and just calling it quits. I’m done. Insurance is in place, I’m out. People only saw 40% of what I was feeling, and I realize that can be dangerous for someone who suffers from depression.
Something’s different this week…all of the situation is still there, but I let God back in. Well, let me not say that, he was IN. But I was mentally blacked out. I’ll laugh I’ll smile I’ll work, I’ll church, I’ll pray, I’ll function, I’ll live…. Blacked out.
Realizing this is 50% of the battle..
I gotta start being fair to me. I realized I’m overwhelming myself with things that I desire but they are of no concern to others.. That’s not fair to me or them. I also had to realize in the long scheme of things.. Things will get done…. Or they won’t. I’m ok with that.
“Step By Step,
Bit by Bit,
Stone By Stone,
Brick by Brick,
Step By Step,
Day By Day,
Mile by mile…..”
So my motivation to you is this! YOU GOT IT! It’s your life and baby, you control THE PLAYING FIELD! Stumbling is fine! Get up! Unless you are dead, you have the power to fight and to keep going! The light is in you and on you! Keep on moving, Don’t stop!
Send it back to the dirt! Keep dancing! The floor is yours!